What is the real cause of your anger?

LIFESTYLE

Lifestyle Management Tips:

Lifestyle management tips allow you to understand what is behind your anger and to discover the real reasons of your anger.
“My brother is able to get angry for no reason at all!” Interesting... If he cannot blame his misbehaving computer, the stupid drivers on the road, the Tax authorities, or life in general, he might as well have no reason to be angry. Let’s say instead that he is not aware of the reason behind his anger".


Anger is a strange feeling that is usually not caused by what it appears to be. Are we reacting to the mean computer or are we re-living other situations of helplessness? Who or what are we really angry at?

The following personal anecdote illustrates this misdirected wrath, and gives you some anger management tips.

A few years ago, Tope being involved in group therapy was quite upset when Bimbo, one of the group members, used to flirt with every man she came in contact with. Bimbo's reaction made no sense to Tope, since her behaviour didn’t seem to interfere with Tope's life. One evening, after one particularly infuriating incident, Tope came home and, being alone, she decided to let her anger out by hitting a chair (representing Bimbo) with a plastic foam stick.

Tope was screaming at Bimbo (the chair) with all her strength when suddenly a different name came to her lips. “Lekan!” She stopped. Why him? Memories came back. Lekan – a man who had been very close to her heart a long time ago – used to flirt in her presence with every woman he met… the same way as Bimbo did it with men. Her rage didn’t have anything to do with Bimbo. Only her flirtatious behaviour reminded her of Lekan's insensitive conduct. Unable to express her hurt feelings, Tope had kept them hidden all these years and she was now directing my anger at Bimbo who had nothing to do with Lekan. Once she understood the cause of her anger, she was able to share it with the group and Bimbo's flirting never bothered her any longer.

If you get infuriated with situations that do not call for it, you may want to go deeper and try to understand the root cause of your anger. You actually have a reason but maybe not the one you think. Remember those anger management tips: write your feelings down on paper, talk to understanding friends, or seek professional help. This is extremely empowering and may be very beneficial to you and the people around you.

And the next time your computer freezes, you’ll know there is a reason to your anger, but it is not that your computer wants to get even with you! g